By Yifeng
I am “the one
who touched the darkness the most deeply”
So I am “the one
who earlier suffered the misery in the darkness”
I can
“see a vague darkness before me”
So I tasted
“the darkness befell,
just like the dark night came in the daytime”
“I came to understand that
darkness is not
the mere absence of light,
but rather
it is life itself.
Darkness is the Chinese people’s fate
and the method
to endure their destinies.”
“Whatever happened in the life,
before me
there is always a black curtain falling.
Me,Over there,
behind the curtain
I am fighting with the darkness
by means of enduring it
Just as
I make use of the power
which I have been enduring the darkness
to fight with the human’s misery.”
“I am the one
who destined
to understand the darkness”
Looking at “ contemporary China,
I see a nation
that is thriving
yet distorted,
developing
yet mutated.
I see corruption,
absurdity,
disorder
and chaos.
Every day, something occurs
that lies outside ordinary reason and logic.
A system of morality
and
a respect for humanity
that was developed over several millenniums
is unraveling,
disintegrating
and
collapsing
on the vast and old land.
Just like the law as criterion
beginning to become
skipping rope
and
the rubber-band
that the children are playing in a game……
Life is gloomy
and
depressing.
Everyone is waiting for
something dreadful to happen.
This uneasy and fearful expectation
has produced
a collective sense of anxiety.
The people in the nation are
“like a dying patient who
is eager for
a kind of hallucinogenic drug.
He longs to it
and also worried about his make-believe
falling through,
then the death coming.”
The people living in the nation
“above everyone’s head,
exists the fermenting dark cloud,
shocking thunderclap
or the lightening
which could tear out the dark cloud?”
So, the nation is
like a village
which has only the white night
“In the village,
the death was
just as the setting sun
inevitably and necessarily.
The darkness is so limitless and eternal,
as though
the sun had disappeared forever from the sky.”
“When I met with
the blinding light and the bright color in the world,
They would become
the huge shadow and darkness
which I was not able to succeed in escaping.
I was hung over
So
there was nowhere to hide and nowhere to run”
“The life,destiny and the God
designated me”
So I became
“the person
who was born to sense the darkness”
“I am alike the child
in the fairy tale The Emperor's New Clothes,
Under the sunlight,
I always find the huge tree’s shadow.”
“In the drama "The Ode to Joy",
Over the another-side
I always stand by the curtain.”
“When all the people said
it was warmer,
I still felt the colder.”
“When all the people said
there was light,
I still found the darkness.”
“When the people
sung and danced for their happiness
I found
there was someone
tethering their ankles privately
To trip and bind them together.”
“I saw
the inconceivable ugly and evil things
in their souls;”
“I saw
the intellectuals’
humiliation and struggles
for their straight backs
and
independent minds”
I “saw that
more and more Chinese people’s inner life
were being hollowed out and disintegrated
by the power
together with the money and songs.”
I knew
in the nation
“the sun is black originally.”
So
I merely
“walked in the darkness,
and lightened the darkness
with the limited luminance.
I tried my best
to let the people
to jump aside and avoid the darkness
purposefully”
I was
“the perceiver ”
to sense
the darkness and the panic
in the night forest”
I also sensed that
the truly darkness “was
that all the people had found the darkness
but they said
it was bright and warm
instead.”
I also sensed
“the deepest darkness is that
the people have adapted to the dark night.”
“the most awful darkness is that
the people in the dark night
are unconcerned and forgetful about the light.”
“I am the one in the darkness
who wrote
all alone and gloomily.
I was alike a ghost
who was rejected and expelled
in every place by the light.”
And I think it over all the time
how to “walk out from the darkness
and earnestly hope the light”
I walked on the night road
using my pen as a candle;
Making the persons
who are passing forward close by me
to find
a part of
bright road.
Notes: Special thanks to Mr Yan Lianke；Most lines in this poem were adapted from his acceptance speech for the 2014 Franz Kafka Prize.
2014-10-24
附：《看見黑暗》
——致閻連科
作者：逸風（河南）
我是“一個最能
感受黑暗的人”
所以過早地
“在黑暗中
承受苦難的折磨”
我會“看到
眼前一片
模糊的黑暗”
所以體味著
“一道黑幕的
降臨，
如同
白日裏黑夜的
到來”
“我也過早地
懂得了黑暗，
不僅是
一種顏色，
而且就是
生活的本身。
是中國人
無可逃避的命運
和
承受命運的
方法”
“無論
生活中發生
怎樣的事情，
我的眼前
都會有
一道黑幕的降臨。
而我，
就在那
一道幕布的後邊，
用承受黑暗，
來對抗黑暗，
如同
用承受苦難的力量，
來對抗
人的苦難。”
我“是那個
命定感受黑暗的人”
看見“當代的中國，
它蓬勃
而又扭曲，
發展
而又變異，
腐敗、
荒謬，
混亂、
無序，
每天、每天所發生的事情，
都超出人類的常情與常理。
人類用數千年建立起來的
情感秩序、
道德秩序
和人的尊嚴的尺度，
正在那闊大、古老的土地上，
解體、
崩潰
和消散，
一如法律的準繩，
正淪為孩童遊戲中的
跳繩和皮筋……”
這個國度裏的人們
“如同
一個垂危的病人，
對
一劑虛幻良藥的期待，
既渴望良藥的儘快到來，
又擔心在它到來之後，
虛幻期待的
最後破滅，
而隨之是
死亡的降臨”
這個國度裏所生活著的人們
“每個人的頭頂，
醞釀的是
烏雲、驚雷、
還是
一片可能撕開烏雲的閃電。”
所以，那個國度
猶如一個
只有白夜的
村莊
“在那個村莊，
死亡
像日落一樣，
必然和必定，
黑暗就像
太陽從天空永遠消失了一樣，
長久而永恆。”
“每當我在現實中
看到
刺眼的光芒和亮色，
都會成為巨大的
讓我無法逃離的
陰影
和黑暗，
把我籠罩其中，
無處
逃遁。”
“生活、命運和上天，
選定了我”
我就成為了
“那個
生來只會、
也只能
感受黑暗的人”
“我像那個
看見了皇帝沒有穿衣的孩子，
在陽光之下，我
總是
會發現大樹的影子;”
“在歡樂頌的戲劇中，
總是
站在幕布的另一邊。”
“人們都說
溫暖的時候，
我感到了
寒冷;”
“人們都說
光明的時候，
我看到了
黑暗;”
“人們在為
幸福
載歌載舞的時候，
我發現
有人
在他們腳下
系繩，
正要
把人們
集體絆倒並捆束。”
“我看到了
人的靈魂中
有不可思議的
醜惡;”
“看到了
知識份子
為了
挺直脊樑
和獨立思考
的
屈辱
與
努力;”
我“看到了
更多的
中國人的
精神生活，
正在
金錢和歌聲中
被權力掏空
和
瓦解。”
我知道
這個國度
“日光
原來是黑色的”
所以
我只能
“行走在黑暗之中，
用那
有限的光亮，
照著黑暗，
儘量
讓人們看見黑暗
而有目標和目的
閃開
和
躲避。”
我是
“黑暗感受者”
感受著
“深夜中森林的
黑暗
和
恐懼”
也感受到
真正的黑暗“是
所有的人，都看到了黑暗，
卻都說
明亮而溫暖。”
也感受到
“最大的黑暗，
是人們
對黑暗的
適應;”
“最可怕的黑暗，
是人們
在黑暗中
對光明的
冷漠
和
淡忘。”
“我就是
一個黑暗的人。
一個獨立而黑暗的
寫作者
和被光明討厭
並四處驅趕的
寫作的幽靈。”
時刻想著
“走出黑暗，
獲求光明。”
我行走在夜路上，
以筆為燭
讓與我擦肩而過的
前行著的人們，
看見一段
短暫的
有光的
路程
特別說明：
本詩中帶有引號的詩句全部來源於閻連科先生的《2014年卡夫卡文學獎受獎演說》一文之中。於2014-10-24
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